


The smile that doesn't reach your eyes

by turva_auto



Series: Jääkiekko - ice hockey [1]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2018-04-01 20:43:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4033936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turva_auto/pseuds/turva_auto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Olli want's to know Sid's secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The smile that doesn't reach your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> That's my first Hockey RPF, I'm sorry if it's rather short and slightly weird maybe. I'm still adjusting to the vocabulary since english is not my native. I hope you may like it nevertheless.

When Olli first got on the plane over the big pond leaving ice cold Finland behind, he had no idea what would await him, now that he was starting of in NHL. Back home and in the small teams he always got along very well with everyone. He wasn't he most talkative person that's for sure, but if he had to impress, he always tried his hardest to live up to the expectations.

The first practice sessions with the Penguins went better then he had expected and more soon then he had hoped for, he was out on a pub crawl with the gang, getting to know everyone.

Almost everyone.

There was still a certain someone the Finn didn't know what to think about. His Captain. The head of their team. The guy with the number 87, who was impressive on it's own, but seemed distant all the same.

Sid was sitting in the booth opposite him chatting happily away to their Goalie and a few others. All smiles, raised eyebrows and a little flushed, but it didn't sit right with Olli. There was something wrong about him, the smile not reaching his eyes, the joy in his voice not covering every word.

Sid was off a bit. But then again Olli had no idea what Sidney Crosby usually was like and it wasn't his place to question that either.

Bennett elbowed him hard, obviously having pulled a joke Olli missed and caught him out. Sidney slipped his mind for the time he was coaxed into shit shatter with Beau who shoved another beer over, ranting about the last practice session before their upcoming game.

Olli got lost in the hockey talk. He loved discussing Hockey at every opportunity. At least it was better then being questioned about whether or not they had polar bears at home. Olli snorted amused by the passing by thought. It was such a typical thing to assume for foreigners.

Do you have polar bears?

Are you always freezing?

Do you ever see the sun?

As if he would be some weird retard living in an igloo, only eating fish and riding reindeer's.

The time was nearing midnight as everybody started to leave and Sid was gone faster then thunder struck lightening. Another one of those strange things he always did, when they were all out.

 

Olli didn't see him the next 2 days, since they had time off. Sid wasn't at the gym, wasn't at the rink. He was no where to be found. That was odd as it is and he couldn't help but always had one eye looking out for the Canadian.

He couldn't pinpoint why he was so hooked up on Sid or why it even bothered him, it was like a self satisfying need to make sure the other guy was okay.

 

Next practice rushed around the corner and Olli entered the locker room, eyes checking every corner but no sign of the Captain except his backpack and shoes. Sidney always seemed to be the first to arrive and also the last to leave. He always was ready before anyone even got to the Consol Energy Center. Olli put down his stuff and started to change into his gear, fastening the protection with some tape and listening to the other guys chatting about, as the door went and Sidney marched in, all Captain mood, long sleeved training gear and his jersey in one hand.

A few welcomes and retorts flew around, Olli just looked, not saying a word. Sidney explained today's schedule as the Coach stuck his head through the door, ushering them out on the ice.

It was time for business.

Olli had a hard time to concentrate, Sidney's attitude not leaving his mind. Of course the Canadian was determined, excited and a competitive shit, but it almost seemed like he would run on a sort of robot mood. Real feelings missing to make an appearance. Missing to convince and put Olli's troubles aside.

He missed the puck far wide, and stumbled over himself, being ripped out of the tornado of his thoughts.

„Määttä stop daydreaming!“ the shout echoed from the bench as he got back on his skates, legs a little shaky, head bowed.

„Vittu!“ Olli cursed, trying to stop his mind from wandering away again. Bennett came flying past, chuckling.

„Don't look so fucking awestruck!“ he teased, chasing his own puck ahead of him.

The whistle signalled a break as everybody rushed over to the bench. Olli dropped onto his spot, spilling water over his heated face, eyes closed. He just made a fool of himself.

„Everything alright, mate?“ Sid asked, stopping in front of the Finn, expression guarded, eyes dark and hidden behind his visor.

„All fine.“ Olli muttered, getting lost in Sid's face all over again.

No matter what it would take, he would get behind Crosby's secret that seemed to be looming like a shadow over his face.

 

When they finally finished, Olli dropped back into the locker room, leaving himself extra time to get ready to go as player after player filled out of the room, leaving just him and Sid behind. Their captain hadn't emerged from the showers just yet and Olli wondered what took him so long. Thinking about it, he realised, ever since he joined he hadn't seen Crosby without his gear. He didn't change like all the others, he was always ready and no one commented on it. No questions asked and no weird looks given. It just seemed to be another one of those Crosby-things.

After half an hour sitting around in his sweatpants and some loose shirt, all packed up ready to go, the silence started to become deafening.

Olli was tempted to call out for Sid but decided not to, his ears straining to pick up any sound, except the running water and the hum of the ice machine, polishing off the rink outside.

He stayed still. Did he may have missed Sidney's leaving?

Olli looked around, but there it was, the backpack and his shoes, still neatly aligned under the bench of his booth.

Hesitantly he crossed the room and opened the door to the showers, the damp warm air, making his blond hair curl at the back of his neck.

The water was still beating down on the tiles and as he silently stepped in, he could hear it. Little gasps, filling the room.

Olli was about to turn on his heel, cheeks coloured in embarrassment, he didn't want to walk in on their Captain who might be having a private moment to come down from the adrenalin rush, but there was something about the noise, assuring him, this wouldn't be the case.

Olli braced himself, walking further in to peer around the corner. There was a towel carelessly left on the floor, right next to his foot and the scent of multiple shower gels flavouring the thick air.

Sid was curled up in the corner, head between his knees, half way out of his garment and shaking all over. Olli wasn't sure if he might be crying, seeing the strong shoulders shake and heave heavily. The water pressing the dark hair matted to his captains face, who had his arms crossed around his knees and was still gasping for air.

„Fucking hell.“ Olli cursed, crouching down next to him, his hand reaching out. „Hi Sidney?“ he asked, trying to check if everything was okay, but was left without any reply. He obviously wasn't okay so much Olli could tell. He put off the tap, to stop the shower from getting him all wet and focused his attention back on the shaking form of the Canadian, trying to get into his eye-line.

„Sid, what's wrong?“ Olli tried again, gently pushing him back up against the wall to get a look into his face. Sidney's chest was rising and falling way too fast, eyes blown wide with an anxious panicked look.

„Oh shit! Come on, just slow down Sid, just breathe easy, okay? Take it slow.“ Olli instructed but it didn't seem like Sid was in any state to acknowledge his presence at all, too lost in a full blown panic attack. Whatever got him worked up, had a fair hand on him.

„Sid, slow down! Otherwise you will pass out.“ Olli reasoned, pressing his hand on Sid's wet chest, and slowing down his own breathing, hoping the Canadian would copy him.

„In and out. You can do this, huh.“ Olli soothed, pressing his other hand on the side of Sidney's face, tracing slow patterns among his cheekbone with his thumb. It seemed to get worse at first but as the seconds ticked by, Sid started to adjust to Olli's rhythm, slowing down his own breathing until his heart wasn't racing against the palm of Olli's hand as strong as before. The Finn sighed watching Crosby closely.

„Yeah that's it buddy. Slow and easy. You will be okay, you are safe.“ Olli said, brushing a wet strand of hair out of Sidney's pale face.

„That's good.“ Olli soothed, his knees soaking wet from the water on the floor, but he couldn't care less right now. Sid was staring at him trough half lidded eyes, shame evident in his eyes as he tried to look away .

„It's okay. mate. I won't tell anyone. No worries.“ Olli blurt out the first thing that came to his mind. He could only imagine how exposed Sid must be feeling in that moment.

„Come on, let's get you up. Everyone is gone. It's just us, you don't have to worry.“ Olli shoved Sid's arm over his shoulders, helping him up, before leading him out to the locker room and dashing back to wrap him up in a clean fresh towel. Drying him off as gently as he could.

„If you want to talk, I'm here to listen. I won't judge you.“ Olli said, sitting on his butt in the middle of the room in front of Sid, who was curled up in the towel, holding onto it closely.

„Can I have a hug?“ Sid mumbled silently after what felt like forever and tomorrow. Olli chuckled and got up.

„Sure buddy.“ He wrapped his arms around Sid, holding him close, feeling his cheek resting on his chest and the older guy nuzzling into him.

„Got yourself in quite a state dude. I was worried I would need to call an ambulance, if you kept that up.“ Olli mumbled. „You...you don't need to tell me what happened, just don't do this again. You scared the shit out of me, man. I'm not saying it's your fault so. Just know I'm here if you need help.“ Olli ruffled through Sidney's towel damp hair. They stayed like that until Olli's alarm for dinner on his phone went off.

It might be better to get home, before they both got locked in the centre.

„What about you stay over at mine for the night?“ Olli thought out loud, rubbing circles in Sid's arm, who didn't want to let go.

„Dunno.“ he mumbled. The first word actually leaving his lips so far, except the question earlier on and it made Olli smile. They would work through it. He would find a way to help the smile reaching Sid's eyes again. No matter what.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Vittu: Finnish for Fuck!
> 
> Thank you for reading and if you want to talk to me about Hockey or whatever feel free to hit me up on Tumblr: http://latkamaila.tumblr.com/


End file.
